ATTACK!
by Sherri Ripe
Summary: Xena is attempting to conquer her home village. Or is she?


**Narrator:** It was a beautiful day, Gabrielle and Xena were off to Amphipolis. To pass the time Gabrielle began to sing, much to Xena's disgust. 

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**Gabrielle: **Well listen to my story about Gabrielle 

Cute little girl whose looking really swell 

Perfect hair such a lovely lass 

Nice round breast and a firm young....... 

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**Xena:** GABRIELLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

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**Gabrielle:** Sorry. You know Xena there's nothing wrong with a little song once in..... 

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**Xena:** Sssssh. Can you hear that 

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**Gabrielle:** What? 

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**Xena:** Someone's following us. Keep walking . I'll check it out. 

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**Narrator:** So Gabrielle continued walking while Xena went to save the day 

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**Joxer:** Joxer the Mighty 

Roams through the countryside 

He never needs a place to hide 

With Gabby as his sidekick 

Fighting with her little stick 

Righting wrongs and singing song 

Beinging mighty all day long 

He's Joxer, Joxer the Mighty 

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**Xena:** Joxer! Why are you following us? 

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**Joxer:** Hi Xena. I heard you were going to Amphipolis and I wanted to meet your mum 

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**Xena:** Why would _my_ mother want to meet you? 

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**Joxer:** Because I'm strong warrior like you. 

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**Xena:** Fine but stay quiet or I might change my mind 

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**Joxer:** Thanks Xena 

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**Xena:** No hugging.......or singing 

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**Joxer:** Ok. Where's Gabby? 

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**Xena:** Come on... 

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**Narrator:** Xena and Joxer catch up with Gabrielle 

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**Gabrielle:** Xena, who was following...never mind 

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**Joxer:** Hi Gabby 

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**Gabrielle:** Hi Joxer 

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**Joxer:** How long till we get to Amphipolis Xena? 

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**Xena:** Half a day at least 

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**Gabrielle:** Great 

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**Joxer:** I know lets play Guess who. 

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**Xena:** I, I .......I have to ride ahead. But Gabrielle will play. Won't you Gabrielle? 

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**Gabrielle:** Xena! Joxer I... 

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**Joxer:** Ok. I'm thinking of a person. Got one 

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**Gabrielle:** Is it a man? 

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**Joxer:** Yes 

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**Gabrielle:** Is it you Joxer? 

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**Joxer:** Yes. How did you know? 

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**Gabrielle:** Well..I... 

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**Joxer:** Your turn. 

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**Gabrielle:** Ok. Ask away 

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**Joxer:** Are you Xena? 

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**Gabrielle:** No 

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**Joxer:** Are you Callisto? 

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**Gabrielle:** No 

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**Joxer:** Ares? 

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**Gabrielle:** No 

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**Narrator:** Half a day later the game continues 

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**Joxer:** Are you Aphrodite? 

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**Gabrielle:** No 

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**Joxer:** Are you Apollo? 

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**Gabrielle:** No 

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**Xena:** Guys look it's Amphipolis 

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**Joxer:** I know. Are you Gabrielle? 

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**Gabrielle:** Yes! 

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**Joxer:** See. I knew I'd get it. 

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**Xena:** I'm riding ahead. I'll meet you there 

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**Narrator:** At Xena's Mum's tavern 

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**Xena:** Mum, are you here? 

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**Cyrene:** Xena, is that you? 

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**Narrator:** Xena and her mother hug each other warmly 

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**Xena:** How are you mum? 

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**Cyrene:** Good. Where's Gabrielle? 

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**Gabrielle:** Joxer, ENOUGH! 

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**Narrator:** Joxer and Gabrielle enter the tavern 

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**Xena:** Here she is 

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**Narrator:** Said Xena pointing towards the door. 

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**Gabrielle:** Cyrene, it's good to see you? 

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**Narrator:** Gabrielle and Cyrene hug 

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**Cyrene:** You too Gabrielle. Xena, whose your other friend. 

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**Xena:** Joxer this is my mother Cyrene. Mother this is Joxer. 

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**Joxer:** Joxer the Mighty to be precise. It's a pleasure 

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**Narrator:** Said Joxer as he lightly kissed Cyrene's hand 

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**Cyrene:** Thank you Joxer. Will you all be staying long? 

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**Xena:** A few days 

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**Cyrene:** Well, your welcome to stay here. 

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**Xena:** Thanks Mum. 

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**Cyrene:** How about something to eat? 

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**Gabrielle:** I'll help you 

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**Joxer:** Me too. 

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**Xena:** I'll check out the village 

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**Narrator:** Gabrielle, Joxer and Cyrene walk into the kitchen Xena walks outside and spots a fight 

**Xena:** Stop that immediately 

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**Narrator:** Said Xena in an angry tone 

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**Xena:** Torres? 

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**Narrator:** Xena walked towards one of the fighters 

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**Torres:** Xena? 

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**Narrator:** The fighter raised his sword into the attack position 

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**Xena:** What's going on? 

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**Torres:** I was about to ask you the same thing. 

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**2nd fighter:** What would you like me to do 

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**Narrator:** Piped in the second fighter 

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**Xena:** Who are you? 

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**Lyktus:** Your loyal commander Lyktus 

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**Xena:** Return to your army 

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**Narrator:** Lyktus bows and leaves the village 

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**Torres:** Attacking your home village. That's just like you. 

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**Xena:** That's not my army 

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**Narrator:** Said Xena pointing towards the hill. 

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**Torres:** Lyktus seems to think so 

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**Xena:** Well it's not. 

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**Torres:** I'm going to see mother. 

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**Narrator:** Torres walks towards the tavern while Xena walks in the opposite direction. Back at the tavern. 

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**Gabrielle:** I wonder what's taking Xena so long. 

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**Joxer:** I better go and see. She might need the help of a warrior 

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**Torres:** Hello Gabrielle 

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**Gabrielle:** Torres 

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**Narrator:** Said Gabrielle as she walked over and hugged Torres 

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**Gabrielle:** Have you seen Xena? 

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**Torres:** She's gone back to her army 

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**Narrator:** Cyrene steps closer to Torres 

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**Cyrene:** What army? 

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**Gabrielle:** Xena doesn't have an army 

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**Torres:** You'd say anything to try and protect her. 

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**Cyrene:** That's enough Torres. We'll wait for Xena to explain 

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**Narrator:** At the army's camp 

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**Xena:** You. 

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**Narrator:** Xena motions to a soldier to come toward her 

**Xena:** Whose army is this? 

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**Soldier:** Yours. 

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**Narrator:** Xena dismisses the soldier and looks around 

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**Xena:** Ares. Show yourself. 

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**Narrator:** In an instant Ares appears 

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**Ares:** Welcome home Xena. 

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**Xena:** What's going on? 

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**Ares:** Your just about to conquer Amphipolis 

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**Xena:** Whose army is this? 

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**Ares:** Yours 

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**Xena:** This isn't my army. 

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**Ares:** You and I know that but these soldiers and those villagers that's another story. The villagers saw you riding through Amphipolis with your army. 

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**Xena:** How? 

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**Ares:** I want to introduce you to an old friend. 

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**Narrator:** Said Ares pointing at a woman in the distance 

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**Xena:** Meg 

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**Ares:** That's right. She heard you needed her help and was only to happy to oblige. 

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**Xena:** You tricked her. 

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**Ares:** She doesn't know that. 

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**Xena:** What's your plan? 

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**Ares:** Same as always 

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**Xena:** You want me 

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**Ares: **Of course. You claim the army they don't attack. However, refuse and Meg orders them to attack. 

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**Xena:** Very clever. I want to see Meg. 

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**Ares:** No can do. You have three days to claim the army or they attack. It's your choice. 

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**Narrator:** In a flash Ares was gone. Back at the tavern everyone is sitting around. 

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**Joxer:** I spy with my little eye, something beginning with T 

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**Gabrielle:** Table 

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**Joxer:** That's right. Ok your turn. 

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**Gabrielle:** Joxer, I don't think..... 

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**Narrator:** Xena enters the tavern 

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**Cyrene:** Xena 

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**Gabrielle:** Where have you been? 

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**Torres:** Catching up with her army. 

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**Cyrene:** That's enough Torres. 

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**Torres:** Fine. Xena, explain why that army thinks your their leader. 

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**Xena:** It's Meg 

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**Joxer/Gabrielle:** Meg 

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**Xena:** Ares tricked her. 

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**Gabrielle:** Poor Meg 

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**Joxer:** I have to save her 

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**Xena:** Joxer, No. We have to come up with a plan. 

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**Cyrene:** Who's Meg? 

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**Gabrielle:** Xena's exact look-a-like 

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**Torres:** Sure. You'd say anything 

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**Xena:** Torres. You and I are going to sneak into the camp. Gabrielle, you distract Ares. 

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**Gabrielle:** I'll try 

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**Xena:** Torres, come with me. Joxer, you stay here 

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**Joxer:** But Xena ........ 

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**Xena:** Stay here! 

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**Joxer:** Ok 

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**Narrator:** Just outside the army camp, Xena and Ares are hiding in the bushes 

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**Torres:** What's the plan? 

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**Xena:** We pretend your a prisoner and we make our way to Meg's tent 

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**Torres:** You just want me out of the way 

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**Xena:** Not now Torres. Come on 

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**Narrator:** They get up and walk into the camp and come face to face with Lyktus 

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**Lyktus:** Xena 

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**Xena:** Lyktus 

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**Lyktus:** Who's this? 

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**Xena:** Bait. Take him to my tent 

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**Lyktus:** As you wish 

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**Narrator:** Lyktus leads Torres to Meg's tent while Xena follows. Lyktus enters Meg's 

tent 

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**Meg:** Lyktus. Whose this? 

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**Narrator:** Said Meg pointing to Torres 

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**Lyktus:** You said he was bait. 

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**Meg:** Did I? Well ok, you can go now 

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**Narrator:** Lyktus bows and leaves the tent 

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**Torres:** Xena? 

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**Meg:** No I'm Meg. But everyone thinks I'm Xena. It's pretty cool. 

**Narrator:** Xena enters the tent 

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**Xena:** Hello Meg 

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**Meg:** Xena. Ares said you were captured by the villagers. 

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**Narrator:** Meg runs over and hugs Xena 

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**Xena:** Now do you believe me Torres 

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**Torres:** I guess so 

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**Meg:** So what's the plan? 

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**Xena:** We swap places 

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**Narrator:** Back at the tavern Gabrielle is trying to distract Ares 

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**Ares:** You called 

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**Cyrene:** Ares 

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**Ares:** That's right. Ares God of War 

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**Gabrielle:** Ares, I want to help you 

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**Ares:** Help me, how? 

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**Gabrielle:** I want to help you get Xena 

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**Ares: **Why? 

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**Gabrielle:** So Joxer and I can leave in peace 

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**Ares:** Joxer and you. Are you saying that you and him? 

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**Gabrielle:** That's right. Isn't it honey? 

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**Narrator: **Gabrielle hugs Joxer and kisses him on the cheek 

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**Joxer:** Honey? Oh. Ah... That's right 

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**Ares:** What about you Mum? 

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**Cyrene:** I've always wanted Xena to be with somebody strong and handsome 

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**Ares:** That's me 

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**Narrator:** Announced Ares with a big grin on his face 

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**Ares:** So, what's the plan? 

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**Gabrielle:** We were hoping you had one 

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**Ares:** Where's Xena? 

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**Joxer:** Her and Torres went to save...... 

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**Gabrielle:** A little girl from her kidnappers. You know Xena always helping the helpless. 

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**Ares:** Mmmmmmmmmmmmm. 

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**Gabrielle:** Ah here she is. 

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**Narrator:** Meg enters the tavern with Torres 

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**Meg: **Ares, what are you doing here? 

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**Ares:** Leaving. Oh and Xena, I've changed my mind. The army attacks at sunrise. 

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**Narrator:** With a blink of an eye Ares was gone 

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**Gabrielle:** Xena, where's Meg? 

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**Meg:** Gabrielle, its me Meg? 

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**Torres:** Xena and Meg traded places 

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**Joxer:** Meg!!! 

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**Narrator:** Joxer hugs Meg 

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**Meg:** Hi handsome 

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**Gabrielle:** So what's Xena's plan? 

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**Torres:** She didn't say 

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**Cyrene:** I just hope she's being careful 

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**Narrator:** At the army camp Xena is sitting in her tent 

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**Xena:** LYKTUS!!!!!!! 

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**Narrator:** Lyktus enters the tent 

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**Lyktus:** Yes Xena 

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**Xena:** Tell the soldiers to get ready to leave _and_ fight 

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**Lyktus:** To trick the villagers? 

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**Xena:** Uh... Yeah. 

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**Narrator:** Lyktus leaves the tent in time for Ares to appear 

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**Ares:** What are you doing Meg? 

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**Xena:** I figured if the villagers think we're leaving, they won't have time to fight 

back 

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**Ares:** Where did you learn that strategy? 

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**Xena:** From a warlord who came to my tavern 

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**Ares: **Mmmmm. Has Xena turned up yet? 

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**Xena:** No 

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**Ares:** Be ready to attack at dawn 

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**Narrator:** In a flash Ares was gone. As night fell all was quiet at both the tavern and the camp. All except Xena who lay awake all night thinking. Sunrise and the soldiers are preparing to fight. Xena exits her tent and is approached by Lyktus. 

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**Lyktus:** Everything's as you ordered Xena 

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**Xena:** Thank you Lyktus. 

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**Narrator:** Lyktus leaves and Ares appears 

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**Ares: **So. No Xena. Oh well Meg its up to you to save her. Send the army to attack 

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**Xena:** What if I don't? 

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**Ares:** Then Xena will Die. Lyktus! 

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**Narrator:** Lyktus returns 

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**Lyktus:** Yes Oh God of War 

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**Ares:** Xena orders the army to attack the village 

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**Narrator:** Xena swings around and points her sword at Ares 

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**Xena:** I don't think so Ares. 

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**Ares:** Xena. I should have guessed. 

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**Xena:** Lyktus, tell the soldiers to fall back. We aren't attacking that village. 

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**Lyktus:** Are you sure? 

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**Xena:** Of course I'm sure 

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**Ares:** Over my dead body 

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**Narrator:** A fierce battle enrages between Xena and Ares 

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**Xena: **Lyktus call off the army. 

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**Narrator:** Lyktus runs towards the soldiers while the battle continues. The soldiers begin to retreat except for a select few who remain ready to attack. 

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**Xena:**I said fall back 

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**Ares:** You don't control the whole army Xena. Attack the village 

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**Xena:** Stop them 

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**Narrator:** Xena and Ares battle on with the soldiers battling Ares' men. Suddenly Xena spots some familiar faces coming up over the hill 

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**Meg:** I'm coming Xena 

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**Joxer:** Me too 

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**Xena:** Meg, Joxer. Where's Gabrielle? 

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**Gabrielle:** I'm here Xena 

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**Torres:** Xena look out 

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**Narrator:** Xena turns around in time to block a blow from Ares 

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**Xena:** Thanks Torres 

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**Narrator:** Xena's companions join the fight. While Xena gains the upper hand on Ares 

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**Ares:** You win again. Until next time Xena 

**Narrator:** In an instant Ares is gone. The battle continues until the soldiers capture Ares' men 

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**Lyktus:** What shall we do with them Xena? 

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**Xena:** Let them go 

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**Lyktus:** What? 

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**Xena:** You heard me. Let them go. 

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**Lyktus:** As you wish 

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**Narrator:** Lyktus motions for the ropes to be cut and the men to be released 

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**Xena:** Return to Ares. NOW! 

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**Narrator:** As quick as a flash the men disappeared over the hill 

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**Xena:** Lyktus, let me introduce you to your army 

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**Lyktus:** Mine? 

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**Xena:** Yes yours. Do with them what you please. Just leave this village alone. 

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**Lyktus:** As you wish. Thank you Xena. 

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**Narrator:** Lyktus and Xena shake hands and Lyktus walks away as the soldiers pack up their camp 

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**Gabrielle:** Just another day 

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**Xena:** Yep 

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**Torres:** Sorry I doubted you Xena 

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**Xena:** Its ok Torres 

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**Joxer:** I'm hungry 

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**Gabrielle:** Cyrene made some food. Come on 

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**Narrator:** Joxer, Gabrielle and Torres walk towards the tavern. Meg approaches Xena 

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**Meg: **Sorry I disappointed you Xena 

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**Xena: **You didn't disappoint me Meg. You thought you were helping me. Thank you 

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**Meg:** Aw. It was nothing 

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**Xena:** Come on. Lets eat 

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**Narrator:** Xena and Meg disappear into the village towards the tavern and their breakfast 

**THE END**


End file.
